BREAKING NEWS: Dobson Comes to Hell!

(Photo: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Well, Dob, you’re finally getting what you wanted. Ahem.

A Message from At My Whit’s End Writer Shamus Kelley*

With James Dobson’s passing, I remember the life of a man who beat children in the name of God. Whose homophobia hurt those who were weak, downtrodden, and hated when they should have been loved.

I recall one of the first times I encountered James Dobson’s scare tactics. It was in the Adventures in Odyssey episode, “Castles and Cauldrons.” I was intrigued by the fantasy premise but all I got was the words of a man scaring his base for the sole purpose of uniting them against anyone who was different.

Now today, with tears in my eyes, I smile. He got he was always wanted. To be with the one who mattered most to him for all eternity.

The families Focus “preserved”? No, of course not. He heard many stories of family trauma through the years and he simply chuckled with a, “all according to keikaku.” Keikaku, of course, meaning, “plan to make zillions of dollars off the backs of broken families.” He never lost sleep over the families that wept.

Jesus? You’d think, but no, Jesus was merely a convenient weapon. All that “love your neighbor as yourself” stuff was just proof Jesus should have been beaten more as a child.

The real person who mattered most to him? Ronald Reagan. Ah, the way Dobson’s face would blush whenever that name was spoken. “Oh, Reagan-chan,” he’d softly whisper, “no one can be as racist, homophobic, and downright cruel as you can! UwU!”

I rejoice in the knowledge that Dobson is now boiling in the presence of Reagan-sempai in hell. For eternity.

With that in mind, we have created a tribute video in Dobson’s honor.

*Adapted from Focus on the Family’s Jim Daly’s message on the day of Dobson’s death.