At My Whit’s End: The Hollowed Out Husk of Mr. Whittaker

(Photo: Whit’s shocked he didn’t bury the bodies of all the women and children he’s killed as well as he’d thought. By Bruce Day, Focus on the Family. Image courtesy of The Odyssey Scoop.)

So. We’ve done a lot to establish why Whit, the supposed kind, elder gentleman of AIO, is actually a creepy weirdo. He pushes his employees boundaries, thinks deep down we’re all evil, and oh yeah, beats kids. Can’t forget that one.

It’d be easy to leave it at that and I’m tempted to. The paragon of Evangelical kids media doesn’t live up live up to your childhood memories. No amount of Hal Smith’s talent as an actor can save the character, not after the episodes we’ve covered. Yet I’m still fascinated with a simple question about Whit.

Why?

Why is Whit like this?

In universe, I mean. I know he’s really “like this” because the writers fully subscribe to Lord Dobson’s view of beating the joy and original thought out of children. But in trying to answer this question there’s a danger of sympathizing too much with the devil. To look at a horrible man’s actions, point to some kind of Lost-style flashback that bends over backward to humanize him, and come away with a more-or-less positive view of the person.

As funny as imagining Whit on the Lost island is (dude would have refused to move from the beach camp, obvi) that’s not what I want to do here. Much like how this whole blog is really about uncovering how our country got to where it is today because of propaganda like Adventures in Odyssey, I think it’s worthwhile to examine how the show explains why Whit is the way he is. It may allow us to see how Evangelicals and conservatives justify their own actions.

(Whit and his step-mother, Fiona, moments before her accident. Whit proceeded to kickflip his horse into her face. By Bruce Day, Focus on the Family. Image Courtesy of eBay user JoJoJosiahSales.)

Episode 49: Thank You, God

Over Thanksgiving dinner Whit recounts how his step-mother, after going blind in an accident, led him to Christ.

As told through flashback (Lost-style, brotha!) we learn Whit’s birth mother passed away when he was very young. Just before moving from Scotland to the United States, Whit’s father married once more to Fiona. Whit admis he, “didn’t treat her very well.”

ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE. WHIT WAS SHITTY TO WOMEN FROM CHILDHOOD. WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP BABY WHIT, WOULD YOU-

Whit eventually warmed up to Fiona but was still reeling from the massive changes that come with losing (and gaining) a mother. Fiona tries to console him with the ever so classic, “God has a purpose in all this.” Which Whit does not buy at all.

Whit: “It's just kind of hard to believe when he takes your mother away. I mean, you don't know how it feels because you haven't had anything taken from you.”¹

Ron Howard Voice: And then she did.

While riding horses Fiona’s struck by a low-hanging branch and goes blind. You’d think this would be a powerful event. One that would bond Whit and Fiona, with Fiona struggling through her sudden lack of sight and coming to empathize with Whit now that she’s had something “taken from her.” But no, the story skips ahead several months and Fiona’s pretty chill about it all. Oh, sure, Whit explains she went through the “usual feelings” of “denial, anger, self pity, and certainly a great deal of frustration.” But of course we don’t get to see that. Because Fiona is a good Christian wife who “gets over” being blinded in just a few months. In fact her blindness is a good thing solely because it teaches Young Whit a lesson!

Whit’s unhappy, not just because he blames himself for suggesting they go riding that day, but because Fiona isn’t unhappy. She lost something, just like he did when his mother died, bur she can still be happy! He’s furious he can’t feel the same way.

Aside from the, let’s just say questionable, framing of Fiona’s disability as a “lesson” for Whit, this isn’t the worst direction for the character. He can’t understand how anyone could move on from pain like his, much puts him at a distance from the “happy” Fiona. It’s not a bad kid view of the world and could help shine some light (but not excuse) why he acts the way he does as an adult. The way he alienated his daughter and the lengths he goes to break Connie’s spirit? They point to a man furious that anyone can be happy when he isn’t. The closest thing to happiness he feels is when he rips it from others. It’s not a bad motivation for a character… If he was the villain in a psychological thriller.

But Whit is and will forever be the Dobson-sona. He can’t struggle. Some of the toughest emotional trauma a kid can face must be solved with an easy answer, which Fiona provides. The one Evangelicals always fall back on.

“Everything, even the bad, has a purpose.”

I get it. After a childhood filled with trauma I remember saying that. It was a comforting idea. That, yes, I had gone through horrible things that left me a broken and shattered person who refused to open his heart o others and was taken advantage of because that, but at least I learned something from it. Now I’d be emboldened to help others! I’d have rich inspiration for my art! I’d be protected from future harm! Right? Right? Right? Even if you aren’t religious you’ve heard something similar, such as, “everything happens for a reason.”

And, man, fuck that. No it fucking doesn’t Everything doesn’t happen for a purpose. Shit happens for no easily structured reason and it’s fucking terrible. I didn’t become a better person because of my trauma. My art wasn’t worth my trauma. I wasn’t saved from future trauma. All my trauma did was make me someone who has had to continually go through therapy to try and repair some of that damage. Damage that had no purpose.

If the idea that “everything has a purpose” gives you comfort? I get it, but BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. Let me tell you. It’s cope. That’s all it is.

You’re being served a shit sandwich and rationalizing it away with, “well, at least this’ll make my future BLT sandwich taste better.” Maybe, but you’re still eating a fucking shit sandwich.

And let me tell you, the whole “everything, even the bad, has a purpose” sure sounds like a great way to justify abuse. Perhaps in, oh, I don’t know, places of faith? “We know the pastor sexually harassed you, but that was just a test from God to make you a stronger person. It had a purpose.” NO IT DIDN’T. You just got saddled with a life of fucking trauma and have been gaslit into responding to it with, “thank you very much and may I have a shit sandwich.” It’s a scam run by con artists where the con is making you be thankful for getting scammed.

It’s also a great way to shove your feelings down and never process anything bad that happens. For years Whit hasn’t been able to confront the hurt of his mother dying (sidenote, uh, I guess Whit’s dad never noticed or cared his son was in emotional pain???) and what does Fiona tell him? “Your Mom dying is actually lit as fuck! Radical!” And then she shreds the guitar as she yeets the corpse of Whit’s mom into hell.

No feeling bad anymore, John Avery Whittaker! Your mom dying had a purpose. It led you to me and you caused me to go blind which led you to yelling at me which got me to tell you to accept Jesus who’s the source of “true happiness.”

(God watching your mother die for his “purpose.”)

Yep, that’s right, ladies. All your pain solely exists to make a man’s life better and lead him to Sky Daddy! Whit couldn’t have just accepted Jesus without his mom dying or Fiona going blind! Shut up, it’s all part of God’s purpose, idiot.

Young Whit accepts Jesus and we come back to present day where a kid at the thanksgiving dinner, rightfully, points out that Whit got all the “positives” here, not Fiona! Whit shuts that down real quick with. “God always has something good in store for you. Eternal life with him.” That’s why you should be thankful for bad things, you little shit, because, “they’re all just pointing us toward God.”

Bad things are good, actually. Isn’t that amazing and wonderful? Every bad thing that could ever happen to you in life can be justified as leading you to God. And that means you, little child, should never complain about them, especially to adults. It’s all good and holy. Even if your parents beat you? That’s awesome, because it’ll, somehow, make you want to believe in God. Especially if they beat you in the name of Lord Dobson-sama. AWESOME!

So don’t you ever feel bad. :)

Get bullied at school? It’s okay, God did that for a reason. :)

What’s the actual reason? It’s part of his purpose. :)

What’s the purpose? Heaven or something. :)

What’s with all the fucking questions? Go listen to AIO and let me get back to worrying about my wife cheating on me with her boss. (Which somehow isn’t part of God’s purpose?)

This is all just shoving your bad feelings and thoughts down and pretending you don’t have them. So you won’t question the bad things that happen to you. So you won’t fight back against those hurting you. If you never feel bad, you’ll never need anything, right? You’ll never be wrong, right? You’ll never have to feel bad. Ever. That’s an enticing deal… And a great way to become a hollowed out husk of a soul.

Bad shit happens in this world and feeling things about that is a good thing. It can be horrible but processing it helps us in the long run. We get to feel the whole spectrum of emotions which shape our thoughts and views for good (or bad!) No matter how hard it is, feeling negative emotions after you’ve been hurt is a great way to start dealing with them. If you keep them bottled up inside? You might stave off the bad feelings now, but they’ll find a way to come back. They always do and usually much worse.

But no processing pain for Young Whit. No working out his complicated feelings with a Linkin Park Naruto AMV. Nothing healthy, no, just shove it all down with a, “this was all for Jesus and he makes me happy!” Which, yet again, is all cope. You ever notice how much some Evangelicals talk about being happy? So much so it easily falls into “doth protest too much.” They say it so much because they need it to be true, not because it actually is. Cause, fellas, let me tell ya, forcing yourself to not feel bad things? Great way to stop feeling anything, including the good things. Take it from personal experience.

Though a lot of Evangelicals need to put on a happy face. As Amber Cantorna-Wylde, daughter of AIO producer Dave Arnold, recalled about her own experiences with mental illness while growing up in the church.

“If there was an area where you were struggling, it was simply because you needed to try harder, pray more, and have more faith that God would heal you. When I did all that to no avail, I was left with no other option but to believe that there was either something wrong with me or I simply wasn’t trying hard enough.”²

I’ve got the dark, dark, darkness down in my heart
Where?
Down in my heart!
Where?
Down in my heart!
I’ve got the dark, dark, darkness down in my heart
Down in my heart to s̸̵̵̷̵̴̸̵̷̶̸̢̡̡̨̨̧̧̹͇͔̗̬̹̼̜̬͚̱̼͎͉̲̰̱͇̮̬̟̥̳̱̼̖̣̞̲͕͖̱̖̜̲͈̞̬̹̬̻͔͍͔͚̥̺̲͇̻̟̥̬͍̝͔͖͍̘̻̥̜͔̲͎͐̓̎̇͒͆̈́̿̅̈́̓̒̉̀͌̓͂͆̐͐̇̀̈́̔̾̈́͂͋͂̓͐̈́̒̊̽͐̎͆̃̂̿̈́͗̈̈́̑̍̇̽͂̀́̌̀͐̑̉̔̈́̍̈͐̀͊͑̐͂͊͊̀̇͘̚̕̕͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͝t̵̶̸̴̴̴̴̷̷̵̷̶̶̷̸̵̷̵̸̴̶̶̵̵̵̡̧̢̧̢̨̢̨̡̡̨̢̨̧̡̧̡̨̛̛̛̛̼̩͈͈͉̦̰̜͎̥̜̟̱̹͙̬̮̘̬̦̬̰͇̖̘̠͓̲̝͎̣̮̭̲̣̱̟͎̜̖̞͓̗̯̠̣͉͇̗̹̠̱̙̻̘̰̙̥̖͇̹̤̬̗͈̺̘̭̭͈͇̘͈̗͔͕͓̪̳̙̬͇͇̗͍̹͇̝͚̲̲̖̯̖͎̭͕̝͇͙̯̬͙̤̣͇̦̠̟͚͎̣̣̤̹̱̠̳͇̫͓̬̭͍͍̠͕̟͎̠̬̤̻̯̲̦̟̫̦̗̜͚̻̼̩͈̻̥̦̩̦̣͈͓̤̳̲̜͓̲̲͇̝̪̆͑͂̈́́̀̒̉͂̎̏͒̑̔͆̓̇̓̆̈́́̄̃̾̀͋̍̔̽͛͗̊̀̃͑́̃͊́̔̈̿͑̉̀̇̆̍̈̊̈́̋͂̓̐͛͋̂̓͂̐̽̋̑̃͋̑̒̍̐̔͌͋́̈̾̃͛̂͊̈́̅̓́̈̆̉͗̈́̅̄̊͌̓̅̐͋̀́̊̽̄̊̇̑̀͗̃͊̌̋̒̍̍͐̏̃̀̐̓͐̆̒̿̒̔͋͑̀̉́̒̂͋̈́̊̑̇̀̈́̄̐̓̀̍̑̂͊̄͑̕̕̕͘͘̕̕̕͘̕̚͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅa̶̴̸̵̴̵̷̷̵̷̴̷̷̴̢̨̢̧̨̢̨̡̛̛̛͉͔̩͍̱̝̗̺̺͕̝͚̱͈͍̝̯̱͔̤͕̣͈͉̱̻̭̩͚̪̭̟̗͎͙̫̫̯̻͕͕͔̹͎̣̤̦͔̰͚̫͕̙̲̜̮̗͈͕̣̼̼̬͖̭͎̝̰̘̤̣̱͚̳͖̲̞̝̻͕̘͉͈͚͚͈̣̬̝̫̜̖̟̩̣̮̤̬͇̭͍̦̠͓̪͛̎͑͋̐̐̊̅̿͋̇̊̃̉́̀̔́̀͑̉̀̂̍̋̽̈́̿̈́̒̎̎̓́͒̅̑͋̍̐̈́́̽̿̔͐́̈͂̄̆͑̅͆̐̂̈̀̅̄̈́͊̈́́̄̈͛̔̃́͑̿̎̽͒͗̀̐́̎̿͛̌̑̇͒̽̾̇̈́́͋͛͘͘͘̚͘̕̚̕͜͜͜͠͠͠͝͠ͅà̸͍̰̤͓̯̑̍̄̑̏̈͛̊̕͘å̷̢̨̬͓̖̳̰̭̝͂̔̔̌̀̈̂̔̄́͆à̵̧̢̬̐á̸̛̛̰̠̖̿́͑̐͆̎̆͛̈́͘͠͠à̸̧̨͕̬̞̯͚̖̭̟͙̙̭̙̱͓̈̐̏́̒͝a̶̢͎̦̞͎̻̞͚̙͎̠̝͔̗͔̍̀͂̊̌̊̃̇͆̊͌̍̏̓͘̚͜͜a̴̱͚̪͓̺̗̓̌̓͐̅̏̅̄̂͛̈́͒͝a̵͖̳͉̙̜̰̱̙̥̻̜͇̪̓̄̇͆͜ą̷̛̪̣͔̭̻̭̝̦̫̜̿̎̎͗͘ą̸͎̯͙̭̤̭̣͎͔̫̋̊̾͂̂̿̇͒̾̀̈́͆̚͜͜͜͝͠͝͝a̸̢̢̱̭̹̩̪͕̋͒̈́a̵̢̛͚̘̤͔̻̺͍͇̝̜̳͆̈͆͑̋̂͂̓͝a̵̘͕̺̥̱̩̖̯̘̯̱̣̯̬̻͆̌̓̅̉͠ͅÿ̶̢̡̡̯̺͕̼̤͚̟̗͎̟̞̖̰́̍̑͠͝y̷͎̪̞̠̔̀̇̌̈́͂̈y̶̘̻̙̦̭̣͕̼͙̬̹̩͈̬͚͓͂̒́̃̽̀̽͂̋̾̒̆̈y̷͖̑̉̓͆̇̆̉̐̉̌̏͘̕y̴̴̷̴̸̷̶̶̶̶̶̴̴̵̴̴̴̴̷̴̸̴̵̵̴̸̷̶̵̨̧̨̡̡̧̡̢̡̢̢̨̢̧̨̢̧̡̡̨̧̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̯̬̮͙̖̩̣͕̥͙̞̰͇̖͖͎̠͓̼͇̖̬̮͔̠͎̫͓̬̘͖̫̺͚͕̲͔̞̬͚̞̫̥̳̩͍̘̰̝̩̦̭̜̖̥͙̙̹̰̻̝̱̬͎̜̟̘͔͈̰̖͍͍͇̦̱͓͉̝̠͕͈̭͈̫̮̤̰̦̲͍̰̙̮̰͚̪̼̠̤̳͙̦͈̣͙͕̪͖̜̫̘̭͙̼̹͚̱̜̗͍̗̫̩̼͕͉͉͙̯̤̣̹̼̼͕̠͍̙͚͙̹̖̱͎̖̹̠̠̠̖̞͔͇̠̭̗͉̥̯̠̘̹̳̝̻͙̖̣̮̝͖͉͇͚̭̱̖̫̣̣̗̾̑̊̂̉̊̽̓̎̅̏̐͌͒́͂̍̀̋͂̌͊̋͐͂̈́͑͌̓̊̍̄̐͑̄͐̃̈͛̅͌̂̇̈́̓̒͌͑̽̏͂̾̍̊͛̉̍̑͗͌̐̀̂̐͐͂͂̎͆̃̀̓̍͂́̃̃̈́̈́́̊̇̆͐̌̋̉͆̊̂́̎̄͑͛̓̃̄͗̂̊̽͂͆̎͂̐̀̆̃̄̍̄̍̽͋̀̆̉̅̍͋̓͛̀̉͑̈́̉͐̃̈̊̌̈̄̊̒͋̃̉̀̄͂̀͂̄͂͋͛͆́̐̈̋̽̈̓͗͒͐͐̃̎̅̽̎̈̆͐̈͂̓̈́̏̐̅́͆̈́̊̎͒̇͋̓̂̐͂̎̂͋͑̾̔͒̐̀̉̾̈́̋͗̎̓̄̉͛͋̍̌̐̊̀̉̉͌̈́̂̈̔̕̕̕͘̚̕̚͘͘̚̕̕̚͘͘̚̚͘͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅ

(Photo: Whit and Donna talk with Karen in the hospital. Whit is about to draw his spirit sword at the mere idea of medicare. By Bruce Day, Focus on the Family. Image courtesy of The Odyssey Scoop.)

Episode 50: Karen

Donna Barclay’s best friend, Karen, has cancer, yet nothing gets her down, but will that change when she loses a leg? (Spoiler: She dies.)

If you thought it was just Whit who shoved his bad feelings down in the face of death and hardship, don’t worry, the kids of Odyssey get to annihilate their mental health in the name of Jesus too! Now we’ve had death on this show but it was either someone older or a frog. Both can be relevant to a kid listener but there’s just something visceral about it when a character dies that’s the same age as the target audience. I applaud AIO for not shying away from such a tough topic.

I also have to give them points for, as Whit walks Donna to the hospital to visit Karen, he agrees with her that, “I’m not particularly fond of (hospitals) myself. They often bring back unpleasant memories.” It’s a great callback to Jenny, Whit’s wife, dying in what may very well be the same hospital, and helps give emotional weight to how Whit helps Donna deal with the possibility of a friend’s death. The discussion between them just after Karen dies really hits home and reminds me of how I felt when I lost my cat earlier this year. (The exact note I wrote during this scene was “how dare they.”)

Donna: “I keep expecting to see her now. On the street, in the hall at school, in her usual seat at church. And there's a knock at the door I think it's her.”

Whit: “Oh, that'll go away in time.”

Donna: “I'm not sure I want it to.”³

A kid getting to process loss! What a concept! Too bad Karen doesn’t get to do any of that ‘cause this kid is the most chill person to ever get cancer in the history of humanity. Yeah, yeah, she got diagnosed before the episode started but in the story she gets chemotherapy, loses a leg, and learns she will die, but throughout she’s chipper as can be. It’s like Fiona in “Thank You, God” turned up to 11.

Karen: -chuckles- “I think the doctors think I'm gonna die.”

Donna: “They do?

Karen: “Yeah, maybe I will. It's okay.”

Donna: “No it isn't. You can't die!”

Karen: “Sure I can. You will too one of these days. But see, that's what I've been thinking. No matter what happens now, we'll see each other again because we both love Jesus. Sooner or later, we'll be in heaven. And then we'll have all of forever to be friends. I think that's kind of neat, don't you?”

Donna: “Yeah...”

Whit: “You couldn’t be more right, Karen.”⁴

Shut the fuck up, Whit.

Maybe AIO could have gotten away with this specific kid being very chill about getting cancer but when it aired ONE WEEK after “Thank You, God”????? You can’t help but notice the similarities between Fiona and Karen and how they respectively show Young Whit and Donna how they should/want to be acting. It’s saying, to you, hurting/confused listener, why are you sad? You’re a Christian, you’ve got nothing to be sad about! Shut the hell up about your sad feelings, it’s all gonna work out! Why? It’s all part of God’s purpose.

Don’t you want to be like Fiona or Karen? Don’t YOU want to be perfect and chipper about everything? There’s absolutely zero possibility they’re covering up their fear, confusion, or hurt about why these things happened for fear they’ll be cast out for not believing hard enough. They’re just happy with no effort and so can you!

Come on down to Soul Savers where you’ll pray for a few minutes and bam, your soul will be wiped clean and you’ll never be sad again!*

*If you feel sad again it’s your fault and you probably thought about having sex with a demon. You’ll need the triple deluxe soul saver package available with just a continuing lifetime donation of 10% of your income.

Look, I get it. I (more or less) would love to be as chipper and at peace with my life as Karen is but it’s a maturity well beyond her years. Instead of engaging with its intended child audience on a genuine emotional level, “Karen” pats itself on the back for pointing at an unrealistic character and yelling, “BE LIKE THIS!”

But that’s what AIO has morphed into, isn’t it? Not exploring a topic and letting kids make up their own minds about it. Not giving kids room to just be themselves and feel things. It’s parents, finger wagging, instructing kids, “hey, you’re wrong. Here’s the holy way to be.” We see it across this entire batch of episodes.

“Family Vacation” sets up a recurring Christian family for the series, the Barclay’s, and laser focuses on why their kids are wrong. The youngest, Jimmy, is forced to not bring his secular comic books on the trip, which bums him out, until he meets a country boy, Ted, who suggests something way more fun.

Ted: “I like to play David. You can be Jonathan.”

Jimmy: “David and Jonathan. You mean from the Bible?”

Ted: “Yeah! Me and my friends pretend like I'm David and they're part of my band of men running from King Saul and we have all kinds of adventures in the wilderness. You know, fighting the Philistines and Amalekites.”⁵

Jimmy ends up joining Ted on his make Bible make-believe and WOW no one in the world has ever done this. Not willingly! This is what Evangelical parents assume is good for their kids so the AIO writers slap it in there, dooming some poor child to go to school, ask their friends to play “David and Jonathan,” and doom them to never have friends outside of Church and HEY WAIT A SEC-

While Jimmy at least gets to pretend he’s having fun, his sister Donna (the same character from Karen) gets never-ending scorn for daring to want to listen to her cassette tapes on a long car ride! She protests that without music she’s bored, which, as a serial listener of music, podcasts, YouTube videos, audio dramas, and Christian kids propaganda, I fully understand. But no, over and over Donna’s treated as a social pariah for daring to express boredom or missing her friends. Why are you making things difficult for everyone around you, Donna? Get in the spirit of things! When she continually refuses there’s only one option. Mr. Whittaker.

Yes, even though the Barclay’s are hundreds of miles away from Odyssey, the story contrives a reason for Whit to have sent along a little present for the family. Whit’s Boredom Buster. Which is effectively a fancy puzzle box with a surprise at the end. The Boredom Buster blares the AIO theme along with-

Whit: “Hi, kids. I'm John Avery Whittaker, and you're holding Whit’s Boredom Buster. You’ve probably spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out this little contraption, huh? Well, the time you spent playing with it was time you weren’t bored. Neat, huh? And it just goes to show you how even something as silly as this can be fun, if you set your mind to it. Now the boredom buster is going to turn off and you should go find something even more fun to do. Bye.”

Donna: “I should have figured something like that would happen.”⁶

It’s your fault you’re bored, idiot. If you don’t like what’s happening around you? Just accept it and tell yourself how fun it is. Yes, this will work. No, this won’t cause massive cognitive dissonance that’ll bite you in the ass twenty years down the road. You’re just not trying hard enough to have fun. Anything bad happening in your head is always your fault, as narrator Chris explains in her wrap-up at the end of the episode.

Chris: “If you have those times when you think you're bored, then maybe you're not trying hard enough not to be bored. For instance, if you're riding in the car for a long time, rather than sit and complain that you don't have anything to do, make up something to do for yourself. Like reading your Bible or singing praise songs from church. You could even have a contest with the rest of your family to see who can remember the most Bible verses and where they're found. Or you could play an Adventures in Odyssey tape. It might also be the perfect time to talk to God about things you've been meaning to say to him. If you use your imagination properly, there are lots of ways to keep from being bored.”⁷

It’s all your fault. Try harder, kid. Use the Bible to bludgeon your own thoughts in submission. Don’t dare let your brain wander, you might think about something that isn’t God related! Stop using your imagination wrong! You’ve got all these Ned Flanders endorsed activities you should be doing instead! Pay no attention to the hypocrisy of the lambasting Donna for wanting listening to her tapes when she’s bored, then casually suggesting listening to an AIO tape when you’re bored. It’s okay when AIO says it’s okay! If that confuses you, you better get right with the Lord before he strikes you down.

Not all the episodes in the batch are like this. “Rumor Has It” is a pretty decent tale about not believing rumors and gossip. Shockingly, Whit’s somehow not a freak about it! He asks well-meaning questions that make the kids consider if anyone actually knows or has talked to the people being gossiped about.

“The Case of the Secret Room” two-parter was a childhood favorite of mine and is one of the best AIO stories we’ve heard in awhile. After discovering a skeleton in the basement of Whit’s End, Whit and Tom’s great-niece, Jami, solve a forty-year old murder. Whit’s the only one to show this dead man some level of empathy and the mystery works (as long as you pretend the show would ever make a police officer actually guilty.) The story even manages to make its lesson, the love of money is the root of all evil, tie into the story instead of awkwardly shoe-horning it in. Is it kinda wild that Whit allows a child to tag along with him as he tries to solve a murder? Sure, but that’s fine, it’s just wish-fulfillment for the kids listening.

Or, well, maybe it’s more wish-fulfillment for the parents listening. After all, Jami doesn’t get to do much mystery solving herself. Instead Whit does most of the heavy lifting as Jami just kind of looks on in wonder. In a vacuum this would be fine, but not long after it comes, what I must admit, is a true banger of an episode.

(Photo: A dude nearly dies. By Bruce Day, Focus on the Family. Image courtesy of The Odyssey Scoop.)

Episode 42: The Last Great Adventure of the Summer

Terry’s most boring summer ever turns deadly when his father, George, is chased down by a terrorist.

Yes, this is a real AIO plot, probably the one I most often use when describing the range of stories this franchise has. Just listen to this early part of the episode as Terry and his father are discovered by the terrorist.

George: “What?”

Nigel: “So, Catspaw, we meet again.”

Terry: “Dad?”

George: “Just stay calm, Terry. Sir, I think you have the wrong man.”

Nigel: “We both know I don’t. I told you I'd hunt you down. Did you really think you could hide from me in this small town, Catspaw?”

Terry: “Why do you keep calling him Catspaw? His name is George. George Johnston.”

George: “Terry!”

Nigel: -laughs- “George Johnston. Very good. Well, Mr. Johnston, I want the formula.”

George: “Look, I-I really don't know what you're talking about.”

Nigel: “No. Well, if I can't persuade you, perhaps I can get your son to!”

Terry: “Dad!”

George: “No!”

-George and Nigel fight-

Terry: “Dad, y-you decked him!”

George: “Run, Terry! This way! Down the alley!”⁸

So yeah, Terry’s loser dad is actually a CIA agent with a vital part of a “formula” that could jeopardize national security if it fell into the wrong hands. It’s no wonder this episode stuck with me for so many years with a premise like that! Also, the guy playing Nigel is the same voice actor as Harley, Will Ryan! I wasn’t kidding about AIO getting some of the top level talent in the industry. Even more incredible is this later scene where Terry and his father have been brought to the lair of Maxim, the leader of a criminal organization. The lair includes hundreds of aquariums full of fish and a collection of World War II shell casings.

Maxim: “You were admiring my fish a moment ago, young man. This collection took several years to assemble, and I am very proud of it. Especially the fish in this tank before me. Do you recognize them?”

Terry: “No.”

Maxim: “Piranhas. Flesh eaters. Did you know they can strip a large animal clean in just a few moments? Can you imagine what would happen if a man accidentally put his finger or hand in here? Ah, a man’s head, like your father. Bring him!”

Terry: “No!”

-scuffle sounds-

Nigel: “Ow! You stepped on my foot, you little-”

Terry: “Here, take back your shell!”

-glass smashing-

Maxim: “He’s broken the piranha tank!”

George: “Terry, out this window to the fire escape.”

Maxim: “AFTER THEM!”⁹

Can you believe that Maxim is played by none other than Mr. Whittaker himself, Hal Smith? Dude is a voice acting legend for a reason and he’s channeling more than a little of his DuckTales Glomgold voice here. But as awesome as this episode is, and it is without question the episode you could listen to and not feel like you just got accosted by a street preacher, its place amongst the rest of these episodes weighs it down. It focuses so much on Terry being amazed that his boring dad is actually the coolest dude ever, it makes AIO come off not just as parents telling their kids what they should be. It’s also functioning as wish fulfillment for parents, where kids see their parents as the coolest people EVER. When, let’s be real, most kids think their parents are anything but.

So, we’ve got the show telling kids how wrong they are but how right their parents are. The show hammers that in harder with several episodes about why respecting parents is of utmost importance. In the aptly tiled “Honor They Parents” a kid’s embarrassed by her “hick” parents and Whit gives her the (verbal) chair about why that’s awful.

Whit: “But you know, your respect for your parents should never be based on their taste, or their personalities, or even what they do for you or other people. The Bible doesn't say to honor your mother and father, as long as they dress properly or act the way you want them to. It simply says to honor them. No conditions. Now, I'll admit, some kids have parents who are very difficult to honor, but that doesn't mean they shouldn’t. You got it easy compared to them.”¹⁰

Wow, OKAY. Whit, you managed to not be a freak for like three episodes, did you have to make up for lost time?! “No conditions”???? “Parents who are very difficult to honor, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t”????? Are you kidding me? Look, I know AIO can’t stop and add a disclaimer for “okay but in XYZ scenario, yes, you shouldn’t honor your parents and please go get help.” But also… Would they even do that if they could? NO CONDITIONS? Bro, no! There should be conditions. But there can’t be, because AIO is now about why kids are wrong and parents, who are very cool, are correct. Remember, as Wild at Faith author Talia Lavin points out, Dobson’s The Strong-Willed Child divided children, broadly, into “strong-willed” and “compliant” and it’s “primarily a guide book in how to transform the former into the latter, creating pliant, submissive children through judicious blows.”¹¹

And how do you make it judicious through not just physical but mental blows? Make it come from God. In “Return to the Bible Room,” headstrong Jack and rule-following Lucy, two new kid characters we’ll be getting more of in the future, are told the story of Jonah and the Whale and more or less become part of it with the power of imagination. In the belly of whale Jonah tells them how he ended up there, by running away from God.

Jack: “But God talked to you. I’d listen if God spoke to me out loud.”

Jonah: “Would you?”

Jack: “Yeah!”

Jonah: “Tell me something, smart boy. Do you always listen to your parents?”

Jack: “Um, well… No.”

Jonah: “But you see them. You hear them. They speak to you out loud.”

Jack: “Yeah, but that's different.”

Jonah: “Why? In our sacred scriptures, God commands us to obey our parents. Are you not commanded to do the same?”

Jack: “Well…”

Lucy: “Yes we are!”

Jonah: “There you have it. God commands you to obey your parents. So when you disobey your parents, you disobey God too.”¹²

How wild is that for a kid to hear? If you disobey your parents for any reason, you are disobeying God. The creator of all things! The big cheese! The freak who watches me every time I watch a suspect anime. Even more reason to not be yourself. To not feel things. To assume everything you’re doing is evil. To try, with all your heart and mind, to listen to your parents. Parents who aren’t letting you figure out who you want to be but making you into what they want you to be.

If there’s anything I hate it’s when a parental figure tries to mold a kid into what they want, instead of letting a kid grow into their own person. Hell, I hate it when anyone does that to anyone else. That’s why I hate the idea of Evangelicals spinning every single bad thing as being part of “God’s purpose.” It’s telling you, “ah, see, your purpose was to suffer so I could become a better person. That’s your whole life’s purpose. Nothing else. You’re just a side character in the story of life. Others around you are much more important.” And if that isn’t a way to abuse people I don’t know what is.

That’s what Fiona and Karen are. People who don’t matter. whose pain means nothing to them, and are happy to take whatever’s dished out. They’re people to step on so others can do better things. That stepping on you was part of God’s purpose, baby! Which is just another way for those who hurt others to not take responsibility for their actions. “Yeah, well, maybe my actions hurt some people, but that’s part of God’s purpose. I’m put here to test them. They’re here to lift me (and I guess God) up!”

If you ever wondered how the people destroying our country right now justify their awful actions to themselves? Well hey, believing even the “bad things” are part of God’s purpose is a great way to kill millions and still hold yourself up as a good person. You, the poor, diverse, disabled, minorities, and so many more deserve it! What’s wild is that Evangelicals have brainwashed some of those people so good they’ll not only gladly eat a shit sandwich, they’ll giddily scarf down a triple- decker shit, vomit, and skin flake sandwich and ask for extra piss on top.

Now we return to the main question. Why is Whit like this?

The answer? It’s all god’s purpose!

It’s god’s purpose he beat you, Monty.

It’s god’s purpose he’s crossing your boundaries, Connie.

It’s god’s purpose you, yes you, reader, never feel as happy as Fiona or Karen do in times of great hurt.

What’s wrong with you?

Don’t ask why Whit is like this. Instead ask…

Why aren’t you like Whit?

Next Time: Connie Becomes a Christian.

Note: Friendly reminder to all the readers, I have a Patreon where you can support the show! You can either pledge $1 a month or simply sign up for free to get reminders of when the blog updates in your email. I’ve also posted some exclusive mini essays, rambles, and other little tidbits there as well. Thank you for checking it out!

Sources:

Thank You, God: Written and Directed by Phil Lollar, Production Engineer Bob Luttrell, Focus on the Family, 1988.

(1)

“Out of Focus: My Story of Sexuality, Shame, and Toxic Evangelicalism” by Amber Cantorna-Wylde, Westminster John Knox Press, 2023.

(2) Pages 55-56

Karen: Written and Directed by Paul McCusker, Production Engineer Dave Arnold, Focus on the Family, 1988.

(3)

(4)

Family Vacation, Part 2: Written and Directed by Paul McCusker, Production Engineer Bob Luttrell, Focus on the Family, 1988.

(5)

(6)

(7)

The Last Great Adventure of the Summer: Written and Directed by Phil Lollar, Production Engineers Steve Harris and Dave Arnold, Focus on the Family, 1988.

(8)

(9)

Honey Thy Parents: Written and Directed by Phil Lollar, Production Engineer Bob Luttrell, Focus on the Family, 1988.

(10)

“Wild Faith: How the Christian Right Is Taking Over America” by Talia Lavin, Legacy Lit, 2024.

(11) Page 200

Return to the Bible Room: Written by Paul McCusker and Directed by Phil Lollar, Production Engineer Bob Luttrell, Focus on the Family, 1988.

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